Validation, please

No, I'm not talking about parking validations, although don't get me started on how much I HATE dealing with parking validation downtown, especially at The Gateway! Anyhow, I am talking about life. I am talking about finding value and worth in yourself. We are raised, or rather 'trained' to need validation. As children we learned quickly that if we did something well, we received praise. We liked this idea. We would work harder and do even better to elicit more praise. As Paula quoted recently on her blog, "energy flows where attention goes." This applied in all areas of our lives. Play a new song on the piano, receive validation. 'A' grade on a paper, 100% on a test, first place in a track meet, promotion at work...validation, validation, validation, validation. Then, suddenly, some of us find ourselves in a wonderful position as a wife and mother. It's what we wanted, it's what makes us happy, but yet we are missing something. Validation. Let's face it, no three-year-old says 'you did a great job dealing with my melt-down at the grocery store today, thanks for not losing it.' There are no raises or promotions for excellent diaper-changing skills. I didn't realize it at first, but over time it became clear to me that I still needed that reassurance. I needed to feel like a valuable human being capable of contributing to society in a worth-while manner. The more women that I have the privilege of knowing, the more I realize that I am not alone in this. The more thought I put into it, the more I realized that there ARE ways for me to find validation in being a mom. I just had to dig a little deeper and recognize it in its different forms. No, I don't utilize my years of dance, I no longer know how to play the piano, I probably could not write a literary analysis paper (my forte) if my life depended on it, but the years that I spent learning and developing those skills are not wasted. I learned other skills through those. I learned how to work, how to make friends, developed character, developed a love for classic literature (even if half of it would go right over my head now :), these things are all a part of who I have become. My validation now comes in the form of a hug from my 2-year-old, a 'you're the best, mom' from my 3 1/2-year-old, a phone-call from a friend, a note from a neighbor, a blog comment (I recently ran across a blog that had titled the hit counter 'I Need Validation,' and I realized how true and honest that was). I realize now that the more involved I am, the more invested I become in the lives of my family and those around me, the more validation I feel. I will say that I do take some 'me time' to develop my 'talents' (okay, that's kind of a joke, but I TRY :), and that definitely helps, too. So, for those of you who (like me) have ever felt the 'what's the point?' new mom identity crisis, don't feel alone! Every day is not a praise-fest. There will definitely be bad days, days where you wipe sticky hand prints off of the entry wall for the 20th time that week and wonder if you are really doing anything beyond going through the robotic monotonous motions. But in the grand scheme of things, those are just moments, and fleeting at that. In the end, the measure of a life isn't determined by cooking skills, salary, marathon race-times, or 'baking the perfect bread' (as Brother Degn put it). The value of a life is seen by the lives you touch during this journey that we call mortality. Every now and then I have to stop and remember that! Thanks for putting up with me and my random thoughts, I have to write them down to make them make sense sometimes! Here's to being happy where you are at, here's to being comfortable in your own skin, and here's to FREE BLOG THERAPY :).