Today Miles would be 4 months old. Time goes by, and we are so busy, but there is not a single minute of a day that I don't think about him. I never actually knew that was possible. Miles has taught me that many things I never thought were possible are in fact very possible. That being said, this milestone kind-of snuck up on me. Usually I know the 1st is coming, and I am counting days, and I know it will be another milestone, and another hard day. Not this time. This one I started my busy day, then Mason asked if today was August 1st (he is counting the says until his birthday on the 12th). I thought for a minute, then realized it was and said 'yes.' Then it clicked. Oh. It's the 1st. Miles would be 4 months old today. He would be rolling over, and smiling, and cooing, and entering my favorite baby stage. And there it is again. The aching feeling, knowing how it should be. Not wishing to change it, but still wishing he could be here. Even for a little while. And I don't know what it means that I stopped constantly counting the days. I don't know when I stopped, but I must have stopped, because this one snuck up on me. Does that mean I am starting to let go? Do I even want to? These are the mixed-up thoughts and emotions that nobody can prepare you for, or answer for you. All I can do is pray for peace and the strength to accept things as they are. It helps that right now things are so busy. We have been in and out of town and enjoying our summer - which has unfortunately allowed little time for blogging, we have barely had time to breathe. But, we are here, alive (despite the lack of breathing :), and happy and healthy. We are taking advantage of every day we have and loving us some hot summer weather. Happy 4-months Miles, we love you always.
1 comment:
Mandy, thank you for sharing your difficult thought and feelings. You are inspiring and encouraging. Your family is lucky to have you as their mommy.
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