my kids' reality

I wrote this post a few years ago.  In it I stated, "my kids have been fortunate enough to have had little experience with death thus far in their lives..." If only I had known then what would come only months later.  I try my best to talk to them about their grandparents, and their baby brother, and even my miscarriage.  But I really don't know how much they get.  I don't think I realized how much their reality had been altered until the other day.  A friend (and fellow angel mom) had her little baby girl a few weeks ago.  I made a baby gift, brought meals, watched her little boy while she was in the hospital, etc., but didn't talk to my kids much about it.  They silently observed, but didn't ask any questions.  Then the other day, McKinley was very quiet, then she asked, "Mom, did Danielle's baby survive this time?"  To anyone else that would seem an odd thing for an 8-year-old to say, but I realized as she said it that this is their reality.  They are so young, but at such a young age they know the harsh realities of how fragile life is.  She had observed me doing many of the same things that had been done for us when Miles was born, and since she had never seen the baby, she truly didn't know if the baby alive.  I quickly assured her that yes, Danielle's baby was just fine, and next time I went to see Danielle I would take her with me so she could see the baby.  She really liked that idea.  I sometimes get lost in how hard all of this is for me.  It's hard for them too.  Their friends get to bring home babies and show off their new little siblings.  All they have are pictures and fading memories.  As harsh as it is, that is their reality.  I am grateful for quiet tender moments to remind me that they are hurting and dealing too.