Prove Me Now Herewith

It had been one of those weeks. Well, really a few of 'those' weeks.  I felt like it was all I could do to force myself to function, to do the daily mundane tasks and get through from day to day.  My due date for my miscarriage was coming up, and once again I had to watch everyone who was pregnant at the same time as me bring home their babies while my arms yet remained empty.  I have a couple of friends dealing with really hard things, and I just couldn't disconnect from it all.  Why does life have to be so hard?  I recently started road biking, and have found it to be a good outlet for me.  There is a particularly long, steep, torturous hill near my house that I biked up a couple of weeks ago for the first time.  As I rode, it just seemed to stretch on forever, and at every bend I hoped for a slight downhill, or flat, or anything to give me just a little break from climbing, just for a minute so I could keep going.  I would round each bend to only find the next stretch of hill, steeper and longer than that the one before.  I had no landmarks to keep me going, nothing to tell me if I was even close to the top.  I kept climbing, not sure I would even be able to propel myself to the top, if there even WAS a top, or if I even cared enough to make it there.  That's how I have felt about life lately.  Looking back over the last 5 years, we have gone through some really, really hard things.  After each major trial I thought to myself that we would get a break, a little breather so we could keep going, but that wasn't the case.  We rounded the next bend and there was another trial, bigger and harder than the one before.  And they just kept coming.  I began to really doubt that the Lord really knew me, or loved me at all.  Could He possibly be aware of my trials?  If He was, where was He now?  These thoughts and feelings came with such force and frequency, I found it nearly impossible to brush them aside.  I had finally reached a point where I couldn't deal anymore.  I tried talking to Matt about it, but although he tried, he couldn't really understand how I felt, and I think the things I said really scared him.  Then there came a morning where it was just me and another friend riding alone.  She is a truly amazing person, and has some major trials in her life that she faces every day.  But somehow she always seems okay.  I haven't ever really talked to her on a personal level, more just small talk and 'hey let's go ride.' During our ride that morning, I unloaded my story, and my recent feelings.  Then I asked her how she does it.  And why.  She shared some experiences with me, but the part that stood out to me the most was when she quoted part of 3 Nephi 24:10, ...'prove me now herewith.'  She related it to doing everything that she could to draw nearer to the Lord, do all that he asked of her.  And then there is the promise in the rest of the scripture:  "...and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of Hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing that there shall not be room enough to receive it."  The rest of the week that phrase echoed through my head.  Prove me know herewith.  I cannot control what happens in my life.  I cannot see the future trials that I have coming my way, and I have no promise that I will not endure worse things that I have in my life so far.  So why keep climbing?  Because I have a promise.  The Lord has promised that if I do everything I can to prove my faith, to keep trying, that I will be blessed.  And I will make it through each and every trial at every bend.  That ride that day was an answer to my silent prayers in two ways.  First, it was what I needed to hear at that moment that day, when I could not go on any longer.  It was what I needed to pull me out of my downward spiral and reset my mindset, and resolve again to keep fighting.  The other part, and possibly the most significant, was to know that He loves me.  He is aware of me.  He knew what I needed that day, and who I needed that day, and He put her in my path that day because He knew she was who I needed.  Even I couldn't dismiss that as an insignificant coincidence.  I walked in the door after that ride just amazed, and so incredibly grateful for that experience.  With that phrase in my mind, I came across this talk, if you have the time I would encourage you to read it.  I know that the Lord answers prayers, even the desperate pleas of those whose faith has been tested almost to it's end.  And I know that He keeps His promises.  "Prove me now herewith... if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it."