I feel peace

Although it doesn't take away the pain of my broken heart, I do feel peace.  I know that Miles is a part of our family, now and forever.  I know that I will hold him again someday, and that day will be one of unimaginable joy.  I know that I have literally felt the strength of my savior lift me up when I hadn't the strength or will to do it on my own.  He held me up while I watched my son's casket close, when all I wanted was to crumple onto the floor.  He gave me my sweet children to get me out of bed every morning when all I want to do is bury my head and cry.  He has given a grieving mother peace, knowing that this was the plan.  I know that he was spared the pain and suffering he would surely have endured in this life, that he had suffered enough.  I know that all of my 'what-ifs' don't matter, I couldn't have changed it, this was Miles' purpose on this earth.  I don't know why or what he is doing now, but I do know that we need him in our lives.  I know that although he physically came into our lives for such a short time, he fulfilled his earthly mission and returned to his Heavenly Father, as did his grandma and grandpa before him.  I do know that he is mine, he will always be mine, and I will love him forever.  I do know that I want him to be proud of me, to watch his family while we are here and be glad that he is part of us.  He has changed me, he has made me want to be better.  I won't be perfect, but I am determined to do better, to make him proud.  Through the tears, heartache, and hurt, these things truly give me peace.