Miles' Funeral

Miles' funeral was held on April 9, 2012.  It was a beautiful, perfect spring day, fitting for our perfect beautiful baby boy.  I can remember waking up that morning and going through the motions, but it all felt like a dream.  I picked out what I would wear (there are not many options a week after having a baby), and thought how cruel it was that I had to wear a maternity dress that I had planned to wear Easter Sunday to my son's funeral.  It felt all wrong.  We all were dressed and out the door early (which if you know us was a miracle), and headed up to the mortuary to dress our little guy.  I will admit that I was anxious to see him, to hold him one more time.  It felt like ages since that whirlwind day when I had last held him, and I longed for just one more day.  When we walked into the dressing room I fell apart.  It wasn't him, it didn't look like him, or smell like him, or feel like him.  I should have known, this was not my first funeral, but I wanted so badly to have more time with him, I had convinced myself this would be it, but reality struck that moment that we walked in, he was gone.   

 We dressed him in his little white blessing outfit and put his tiny white booties on his little feet.  This was the first and only time in this life that I would dress my baby, and everything had to be perfect.

 My kids each took turns holding sweet Miles and saying their goodbyes.  Those tender moments alone with my little family in the dressing room are ones that I will hold dear forever.

 Maylee was so proud as she held her baby brother.  She couldn't stop touching and loving him, and kept asking to hold her bebe again.

 Sweet kids loving on their brother.  I wanted to make sure they were allowed to be as much a part of this process as possible to help them cope with his passing.  They helped to pick his casket and his flowers, they helped to dress him, and they held and loved him and we were able to talk about him, and what he is doing now, and share sweet moments that I hope my kids will remember all of their lives.

 such a loving big sister.  She often says that she wishes so badly that he were here so that she could hold him and take care of him.  I tell her I do too.  We know he is in a better place, and that we will have him someday, but we sure miss him every day.

Mason asked a lot of questions about Miles' 'owie,' and then said "Well, the next time I see my little brother he won't have an 'owie' any more.  He will be healthy and perfect."  I am so glad they know that, and I know he will.

 This was the last time I held my little Miles (and Maylee wanted to give him just one more hug and kiss).

 I gently placed him in his little casket, nestled in the beautiful blanket from sweet Kathy.

 As a way of letting the kids be part of his burial, we had them each write him a note (or color a picture in Maylee's case) and rolled them up and tied them with blue ribbons to be buried with him, that way there would always be a part of them with him.  We all signed a baseball to place with him as well, Matt had always referred to him as his little ball player from the minute I found out I was pregnant (he was sure it was a boy :). 

Maylee immediately began to rearrange things :)

 These next several photos are just for documentation, these are some of our amazing family and friends who came to show their love and support, and we are so grateful for them.

 (above) sweet Kathy Johnson, we just love her

 Matt and I gave Miles one last kiss, then I gently folded in his blankets so that just his tiny face peeked out.  He looked so peaceful and sweet.  Matt then closed the casket, and we knew we would never again see our baby in this life.  I truly felt lifted by angels during that time, there is no other way that I was able to stand.

We had a sweet graveside service where love and beautiful testimonies were shared.  It was the perfect celebration of such a precious little life.

 The kids each took roses from Miles' flowers to remember him

We returned to the cemetary later that day after he had been buried.  We have gone almost every Sunday since.  We sure love our tiny angel.