memorial

 It's kind-of funny (okay, not really), but I have found that the things I prepare myself for and expect to be hard often end up not being as hard as I expected.  It's the things I don't prepare for that blindside me.  The random people at the grocery store asking about how many kids I have. The contractor coming unexpectedly to pick up a check, and having not seen me for several months asking when I had my baby, and how my baby is doing.  Then there are the moments that I expect to be 'happy moments' that hit me differently that I expected.  That's how Miles' monument was.  I had been able to keep busy during the stress of preparing for Miles' birth, and then after his passing I had his funeral to prepare and plan for him.  As soon as his funeral was over, we went to the monument place to begin choosing and designing the perfect memorial for our little guy.  We looked at ideas, thought about it, talked about it, and finally decided what we wanted.  We finalized templates, sent in a photo, and gave them a copy of his tiny footprints from the hospital.  We wanted it to be just perfect, and personal for our family, and especially for our children as we go to remember and visit him for years to come.  I wanted his photo on it, I love seeing his cute little face, and I want the kids to remember what he looked like.  I wanted his actual footprints on it (to scale) from his hospital prints so that my kids could compare their hands and feet to his and remember how tiny and perfect he was.  Once everything was finalized I would check on it to see if it was done, if they had an estimated completion date, etc.  I really wanted it done by Memorial Day, and I wanted his grave to be his, to have significance.  What I didn't expect was the rush of emotion that I felt the day that Matt texted me a picture of his completed monument after it had been set in place.  There was nothing left to do.  I had anxiously awaited his headstone being set, and I thought it would be a 'happy moment', that I would be glad to see it done. To some degree I was, it turned out just as I had hoped, but there was an empty feeling.  That was the last big thing on this earth that I needed to do for him.  And it was done.  It all seemed so final.  There was his name, carved into granite, memorialized forever.  It is perfect, and it looks beautiful to me, but it is one more thing that is done.  It will take some getting used to.

We enjoyed our Memorial Weekend, spending time with family and friends swimming, BBQ-ing, watching Matt's mountain bike race, and visiting the cemetery. 

(above) the back view of Frank and Sharon's monument where Miles' headstone is (he was buried on top of Sharon)

 (above) the front side of Frank and Sharon's monument, Bountiful City Cemetery really is beautiful, especially with all of the extra decorations for Memorial Day

 Kinley and Mason decorated a card and flower pot for Miles (which we planted a little flower in for him)

(above) I love the streams of light in this picture

 (above) This picture doesn't do it justice, but the sunset was beautiful as we left the cemetery