when you say nothing at all

I have learned through our recent experiences that often people say the wrong things with the right intentions.  I can remember after Matt's parents both passed away so close together that people would often say 'at least they went close together and they didn't have to be apart long.'  It would make me so mad sometimes, I wanted to ask them if they would like to lose 2 people they love very much at the same time, if that would be better than losing one.  But I didn't.  I knew that they meant well, they just didn't know what to say, and I couldn't hold that against them.  Since Miles' passing it seems that nobody knows what to say.  There isn't any right thing to say, really.  I have done it too, I know I have.  I have said the wrong thing when I didn't know what to say.  But even worse than saying the wrong thing is saying nothing, pretending nothing happened,.  I can remember last year I ran across an acquaintance who had recently given birth to twins, one of whom had been stillborn.  I had heard from a mutual friend about her son's passing just a few weeks before.  I didn't know her very well, and when I saw her, I didn't know what to say.  I remember commenting on her cute baby boy as she held him and asking the dumb questions about surviving on little sleep and the challenges of having three kids, but I didn't ask about her fourth baby.  I didn't know how, I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.  I know now that saying nothing was worse than anything I could have tried to say.  I completely ignored his existence.  All I had to say was I'm so sorry, or ask how she was doing since his passing, but I said nothing.  Now I know how that feels.  Saying nothing feels like he is forgotten.  Like the world has moved on without him.  I can't bear that.  I haven't moved on, I haven't forgotten, and I want to talk about him.  I want people to acknowledge him, to ask questions about him, to talk to me about being a mom of four kids.  It's not that I can't talk about other things, or that I want to talk about him all of the time, but sometimes I just want to be able to say Miles' name, or tell his story one more time.  I don't want people to be afraid of saying the wrong thing to me, just talk to me.  I would rather you say the wrong thing with the right intentions than to say nothing at all.