they said it would happen

and it did.  Just like they said.  They said I would be fine and feel like life was getting back to some sort of 'normal', then around 2 or 3 months after Miles' passing the pain would come back full force.  I was doing fine, having more good days than bad, and making 'progress.'  I figured they were wrong, they didn't know me, I can deal with this just fine and not fall backwards.  But it did come back, just like they said.  The shock and fog has started to wear off.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  And again it's hard.  His headstone is done, my c-section has mostly healed, the last of the medical bills have been paid, the loose ends have all been tied up, and there is nothing left to be done for him.  There are no life plans to make for him.  There are no new milestones to report.  There is nothing new to say.  And people don't really ask anymore.  Not that I blame them, what else is there to say.  But it's a harsh reality that becomes more real every day.  I don't ask why it had to happen, I know it did, I can accept that it was the will of the Lord.  But why does it have to be so hard.  Why does my mother heart have to long to hold my baby.  Why do I have to miss him so much that it physically hurts.  Those are the things that I have to ask why.