the way it should be

I was looking at some friends' blogs recently and ran across one on a friend of a friend's blog announcing the arrival of their 4th child, a little boy.  The mom posted photos and blogged about her other kids meeting their new brother.  She wrote about how anxious they had all been to finally meet him. They looked about the same ages as my kids.  Their 2-year-old girl reminded me of Maylee, and she described her being so in love with him, and you could see it in her face.  I was happy for this family (I don't know them, I just happened across their blog), but I couldn't help thinking this was how it should be. Today is my due date. Today my kids should be excitedly meeting their new baby brother for the first time and smothering him with kisses while he grunts and protests. That's how it should be. Although today hasn't been as hard as I expected it to be, none of my babies have arrived on their actual due date, it is yet another reminder of things that should have been. We knew for awhile that Miles would likely be born long before his due date, but his due date was the time we could expect to take him home from the NICU, to have him a part of our daily life, and to be a central part of our family.  I see babies who were born the same week as Miles beginning to smile and reach fun little milestones, and again I think about how it should be. I watch Maylee so sweetly hold and care for other people's babies. I watch  the way Kinley and Mason excitedly talk about their friends' new siblings and how cute Kinley's teacher's baby boy is, and I am happy for those families, but they should have been able to have that excitement for their brother. Should have been able to love him and ooh and ahh over him and show him off.  They talk about how they would have played with him and taught him things.  Those are  the hardest things, the things that should have been. The family parties and vacations and birthdays and the mundane everyday things that he should have been part of.  I know that the Lord had a plan for Miles, and I constantly remind myself that this is how it was supposed to be for him, but sometimes I can't help but think about the way it should be.