Accepting His Will

I know that it was part of the plan for Miles to come into this world and leave so quickly.  He was too perfect for this life.  I know that.  I feel that.  But I still find myself drowning in what-if's.  What if we had taken him sooner before he got too weak.  What if I had gone in the night before when I started to worry.  What if I had asked them to monitor me when I got my second dose of the steroid Saturday morning, even though I had no reason to think anything was wrong, I had thought while I was there I should... but I didn't.  What if they hadn't done the surgery and had waited until he was stronger.  What if we had left his breathing tubes in longer, could there have been time still for a miracle.  What if.  What if.  What if.  Again, my sweet friend offered the only answer that I will get in this life.  I will never know, and the questions and guilt will make me crazy.  She counseled me to get on my knees and give this one over to the Savior and to the Atonement.  There will never be answers to my questions in this life, and the only one who can take that pain away is our Savior.  He has felt my pain. He can take it away, but only if I ask and if I let Him.